So as you know if you read this blog at all regularly, I’m working on a middle grade novel. A few entries back I made it my goal for February to have my (hopefully) final edits done to the novel by the end of the month. N had recently given me a last round of comments on the manuscript and I just needed to figure out how best to implement them.

Last night, while outside, looking at the stars, things suddenly clicked. I was thinking, rather lazily, about the novel, and suddenly pieces started to fall into place. Ways I could change the beginning to trim wooden and useless characters, ways to beef up characterization, ways to make the plot make more sense. It became like the proverbial snowball rolling downhill. As I thought of new changes, others arose from them. And suddenly I was excited to dive back into the novel and revise it because I was making it better.

I paid for my excitement with a lack of sleep, but I managed to barrel through the first few chapters, almost completely rewriting one of them. And I’m excited to get back to it. To continue making the changes and bring everything in line with the vision I have of its altered shape.

Only…there’s a bit of doubt that’s crept in. Which I suppose, for me, is natural. Last night it seemed like this diamond-edged ideal of a novel, but today I wonder if it really is better. Are the boring parts still just boring in a different way? It’s hard to tell. There still exists this desire for validation. I wanted to call up a handful of people and describe my changes and see if they sounded good to everyone.

In the end, though, I have to do what makes sense for me. There may be more fine tuning to come, but hopefully it will be just that and not major rewrites. And now that I’m on a roll, I’m hesitant to lose the momentum. So I’ll continue and hope that what emerges is stronger and more effective.

Incidentally, while it’s nothing new, I’m always amazed at how the subconscious works. I often get feedback on stories and sit, frustrated, unable to figure out how to make changes. And in those moments you forget that often the brain needs time to digest things, to work out problems behind the scenes. Then, often for me while being outdoors and walking or just not thinking very much about anything, inspiration will hit, and things will line up in a seemingly magical way. It’s just all the work is being done by the subconscious. Still, magical.

Is it similar for you?

So my birthday has come and gone (and I swear I will stop mentioning it) and yet I was not able to produce a new story to send to people to make up for my missed holiday story. I had been planning on it, but then ended up spending my time and energy on revising an old story I got all interested in again. So…sorry.

However, last night I woke up from a strange dream that inspired a story that I had to start. It was one of those situations where as I sat there, feeling the dream fading away, I started writing it in my head. Assuming it gets past that first initial stage, I might end up dashing through it. It feels like one of those stories that will finish quickly, so, assuming it does, I may just send that out, a little late, and call it my birthday story.

I hope, at least.

But my friends, both online and local, have been very good to me lately and I would like to give something back. So let’s see what I can do.

…to the shortest month of the year, I’ll add that I’d like to have edits done on my Middle Grade book by the end of the month. I’m giving myself this weekend (hey, it’s my birthday on Sunday) to not worry about it, then I’m going to focus on that primarily for the rest of the month. I want to make it better then get it out of my hair for the time being. Sometimes writing seems to be about which of the persistent, pestering voices you can silence.

Wish me luck.

For a while now I’ve been struggling with revisions of stories. I seem to have no problem writing new stories, and working on novels has been going well lately. But old stories which have gone through the critiquing process – either with Altered Fluid or at Clarion West – have given me pause. I’ve resisted diving back into them, and when I do, I often feel like I don’t know what to do.

I’ve thought a lot about the reasons for this and I think it comes down to fear of breaking them. Most of these stories have something that I like in them. These tend to be my most recent stories, stories that have received better feedback and I think there’s a fear there about taking away what makes them special, of losing something – the voice, the energy, the freshness. But, as we all know, fear is the mind-killer. It’s preventing me getting these stories, stories that I think are some of my best, out into the world.

So, my goal for February is to work on revising some of these stories. I’ll be conservative and say I’ll revise (to a point where I can submit them) three stories. I’m going to shoot for five, though. It’s a short month and there are birthday celebrations and other things going on, but I’m going to commit to this. When I have more stories circulating, then I can feel better about diving back into the novels (not that they’re going to be ignored).

Do other people out there ever have this problem with revising?

I just wanted to share an anecdote about a market I submitted to. I won’t name names because I think (and hope) that they’re trying to address their problems now. But I submitted a story to this market back in June of 2009. Months went by without hearing back from them, and I queried them three times, using whatever emails I could find (since the main email address wasn’t producing a response). Eventually I withdrew the story after more than a year had passed. I know, I know – that’s too long. But I didn’t have many other markets that I was going to send it to and I thought it was a good fit.

Last week I heard, finally, from the editor saying that I should have received a response last year.

The actual rejection arrived this morning. As if it had just been written. Final elapsed time was 585 days.

I understand that editors are busy and that sometimes things are a little crazy these days, but it boggles my mind a bit.