When my mother was sick, I had a hard time writing. I suppose it felt like too much of a disconnect, that I would be somehow too removed from the situation and I was desperate to have every moment that I could with her. Most of the writing I did at the time happened when I was not in the house, other places, and it wasn’t an issue.

After she died, I still didn’t write. I suppose it was a matter of the grief, of my brain being devoted to processing this thing that was both anticipated and yet seemingly impossible to truly fathom. Understandable, I suppose, but after months of feeling unable to write because of everything, I thought it needed to happen. I needed it as an outlet, a way to express myself. Yet still I couldn’t do more than revise old stories.

It was a deadline that ultimately helped me break through whatever the block was. I agreed to take over a writing group slot for someone else, which meant my story was due last weekend. Which meant it needed an ending, and couldn’t be messy or sloppy. Flawed, sure, but professional. And it took me down to the wire, and slightly beyond, to finish it. I hacked and and bludgeoned, whereas I wanted to surgically cut and massage, but in the end, I finished the story.

I expected a bloodbath at the crit session, I was steeled for one, but in the end, it turned out it wasn’t that bad. And that was just as important to me as finishing the story. As wrong as it felt. As forced and faulty and fucked up, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected.

Since the crit session (this past Tuesday), I’ve already started a new story and worked on a few others. The desire was always there, but now the ability to act on that, to know that it’s okay, has come back to. And for that, I’m grateful.

Now the stories await.

Since my last post, there have been a few developments in things I mentioned. The first of these is that I’m no longer going to be attending World Fantasy in San Jose. Things with my mother have become progressively worse so much so that traveling at this time, and being away from the family for more than a day at most is ill-advised. It’s a shame – I’ve been looking forward to it all year for many reasons, and I’ll miss seeing all the distant friends I was hoping to see, but some things trump all else.

In the positive category, however, the Shadows of the Emerald City, which some are probably sick of hearing me mention, is now available to buy, both from the publisher, Northern Frights Publishing, and from Amazon. Links are below:

Northern Frights

Amazon

There seems to be a good amount of buzz for this anthology, as seen in the reviews I posted last time. I’m looking forward to reading the other stories in the volume and seeing how people like it.

Okay, that’s enough pimpage for now. More news when it comes.

Between work and the situation with my mother, I haven’t had much time to even compose a blog post lately. But I have some writing news to share, despite not being quite as productive lately as I’d like to be. The next few months look like a good time for my fiction.

Most recently, I found out that I sold a story to Steampunk Tales, the digital magazine for steampunk fiction that launched for the iPhone with a rather attractive application and is also available in Mobireader and PDF formats. I did a review of Steampunk Tales Issue One for Tor.com and I was impressed with it. When I found out they accepted fiction submissions, I knew I had to submit to them. I’m really excited about the opportunity, especially as it’s a different form of distribution than I’ve seen.

Prior to this news, I received word that my pirate story, “The Furies”, previously in Shimmer’s Pirate Issue will appear as a reprint in the Skulls and Crossbones anthology due out in January 2010 from Mindancer Press.

My story in Shimmer’s Clockwork Jungle issue, “The Emperor’s Gift”, should see print some time in November along with the rest of the issue.

Then there’s the Shadows of the Emerald City anthology which includes my story, “Pumpkinhead”, which should be releasing any day now. The anthology has been getting a number of good reviews (some of them collected below) and I’m looking forward to seeing the final product.

M-Brane SF Review

Senses Five Press Review

Apex Book Company Review

Innsmouth Free  Press Review

Strange Weird and Wonderful.com Review (PDF download)

Wanderings Review

Finally, I will be attending the World Fantasy Convention in San Jose, California next week. I’m looking forward to reconnecting with old friends and meeting new ones. Maybe I’ll see you there.

I haven’t announced it here, but last week I got word that my story, “Pumpkinhead”, was accepted for the Shadows of the Emerald City anthology from Northern Frights Publishing. Since I first read about the call for stories, I knew I wanted to write something for it. I grew up reading the Baum Oz stories – I went to the public library one summer and started with the first book (The Wizard of Oz) and worked my way through the whole series. You can probably guess who one of my favorite characters was. Adding a touch of horror to the Oz mythos seemed a natural thing to do (so much so that it’s been done before, for example in Tad Williams’ Otherland series). But when I figured out who I would write about, I refreshed myself on the character and what was said about him in the books, and from there the story just grew, very much like some of the things in the story itself. It was one of those rare stories that just unfurled from within my mind and pretty much came out on the page in one fluid piece (though stretched out over days). I’m glad it will be seeing print and I’m looking forward to the finished anthology when it eventually comes out.

This, together with two other projects that I’m not ready to announce yet, would bring my total publications to 5. Which is nice seeing as last year this time I was just about to hear about my second ever acceptance. At Clarion West we set goals and I committed to six published stories by around this time. For a while it was looking like none. If all four that I’m expecting happen, that will be a decent percentage of my goal.

But regardless of the submissions or the acceptances, right now I’m having a lot of fun writing and finishing and revising and submitting. For the first time since Clarion West, I am having fun with the writing and I think it’s having an effect. I’m doing it because I am getting such a thrill out of it.

This post is more rambly than I’d intended, but I’m just feeling good about writing right now and I wanted to say something to balance all the times I’ve felt shitty about it.

A few things that are interesting to note – if I count the non-confirmed acceptances I’ve received, four out of the five were for themed publications (this includes the two Shimmer sales). I find myself wondering why that is – is it the theme that helps focus me? Is it the inspiration that creates a different kind of story? Or is it just that those stories have deadlines and so I write, revise and send them by a certain date? I think maybe a little bit of all of them (though especially the last).

Also to note – only one of the stories was workshopped. Which is not to say that I didn’t get feedback – and all of them were critiqued by at least one person in my current writing group – but I think the closeness of deadlines meant I couldn’t always put them through a group. Which doesn’t say to me that stories are better when not workshopped – again it comes down to focus. I’m still trying to figure out which are the best paths to take with revision and I think that the better I get at that, the better my workshopped stories will end up.

I plan to send out a few more stories in the coming weeks. So we’ll see if they bear any fruit. But in the meantime I’m having a blast doing it.

This year I am participating in the Clarion West Write-a-thon. Starting on June 21, I’ve committed to finishing a story a week to parallel what the current class will be doing in Seattle. My goal is to raise a minimum of $100 for Clarion West, though more is always acceptable. The workshop gave a lot to me, both in improving my writing and in introducing me to some really amazing people and experiences and so I’m happy to give a little back in this way.

Please, if you can, sponsor me in the write-a-thon to help me meet my goal. Or, if you’d prefer, sponsor one of the other amazing writers taking part. Anything helps. Five dollars if you can manage it. One dollar, if that’s more your speed. Think of it as an investment in future entertainment.

For anyone who sponsors me, I’d be happy to send you a copy of the completed stories (or novel chapters) to look at when they’re done.

Thanks.